No, it’s not true that judging others defines who you are.
Nothing defines who you are. This is a truth which causes tremendous confusion — we all want to be defined, and we want to define others. It’s a manifestation of our general confusion about the nature of self.
We get a bucket, and we label it — either with “Me”, or “Them” — and then we fill the bucket with ideas and stories and images, and then we believe in the bucket as a persistent, distinct, and fact-based source of truth which claims to answer “who am I?” or “who are they?”
This whole process is fraught with flaws: true self is not a collection of ideas, it’s not a persistent entity, and it’s not based on objective facts but on self-grounding commitment.
But in the absence of true self, the buckets are all we understand, and we argue endlessly about what should go in each bucket… that’s where the idea comes from that we can define others by judging them, or that we’re defining ourselves by that behavior.
All of that is empty and meaningless. That’s the kind of thinking that one must debunk to see clearly.